Here I am in the UK on a very wet day in February, not the happiest of months. Thinking a lot about the trend of mindfulness and happiness as I practice my blissfull and mellow yoga, Pilates and visualisations and of course my Happy cells visualisations. Looking at all the apps and sites on happiness I have been considering how dangerous it is to see any state, any emotion as static and especially happiness as a goal in itself as if it could ever be a fixed state of mind as is offered by so many gurus. It seems not only a little shallow as a personal quest but also madness to believe that it can be a permanent state. Don’t get me wrong as someone who has suffered from depression, I am finding that changing my mind set whether through physical activity, visualisations, creative writing or even CBT very useful as I am more likely to get stuck in a state of misery and depression than happiness, but the shift is coming through acceptance not a goal driven desire for permanent happiness. Accepting my anger, my depression (often linked) or feeling blue or sad or a loss whilst being kind to myself is helping me to feel mellow. Not judging any of my emotions allows them to be there and that in itself is creating a peace but not a drugged like state of euphoria and it seems to be giving me options to see things in different ways, that as trapped as I feel materially, I can accept my emotions and small changes occur through being with, sitting with and accepting my emotions in any given moment. So when I have a joyful moment it is genuine and I can accept that feeling but not expect it to be a permanent state and that all the other emotions I feel are also genuine and even useful and that in itself seems to be the most helpful way through depression. I may cry or hit a pillow but I am feeling my true emotions and not covering them up which can and does lead to depression – so I am left thinking that the desire to be happy is a pointless and certainly unachievable goal which could leave us feeling defeated and lead right back to depression.

Looking forward to a weekend walking in Amberly, Sussex and visiting the Roman remains and of course looking forward to walks in the Spring on Ithaca Greece.


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